HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH HEAVY HEART

okay well i know this over used but I cant get my head around this girl. I have tried everything I tired dating others, I tried avoiding, ive tries spells/magic and medetation. No matter what I do this girl keeps comming back to mind and I cant stop thing about her. Ive talked to her a few times and we both dont want to ruin the friendship we have, but part of me still wants it to be more. Now shes dating another guy 2nd one this school year and its the first one I was actual jealous off. Tomorrow is the last day of school before we head off for summer, then were back for the last year and im afriade I might never see her again. She has helped me so much like she got me to quit e/acid/weed/drinking to excess/smoking and cutting.......and with all that before meeting her I prayed and dreamt off someone simillar and it feels like shes the sign i was waiting for my personal guardian angle ect. Yet I dont know how to tell her I still feel this way. With all this going on my parents have no idea im bi cause i havent told them yet and ive been keeping it secret for 6yrs because of my moms religion and my dad well never understanding me. My parents want me to get into medicen and even threatned not to pay for culinar and photography school which i really want to do. I feel lost and that i might even start again though part of me wants to majority of dosnt and is tryn to hold back